Alcohol
by h1lovecupcakes
Summary: Tsuna can't handle alcohol. People can't handle Tsuna.
1. Chapter 1

**Yo! You people said you laughed so I am here to give you more to laugh at, hopefully it is not too horrible.**

 **Characters are not mine.**

* * *

The thing is; Tsuna couldn't handle alcohol. He really couldn't.

The first time Tsuna got drunk, really drunk, no one noticed it at first. They were all laughing and enjoying themselves, and Tsuna was still able to sit by himself so no one thought that he was drunk. Because when Tsuna got drunk, he made it pretty obvious with the amount of times he managed to hit his head onto the floor.

But until that day, no one knew what happened when he drank too fast.

In the middle of the dinner, Tsuna stood up with his glass of wine in hand, waiting for everyone – the whole Vongola and allies- to be quiet.

"I would like to make a toast" Hayato heard him say. Everyone kept silent for minutes, waiting for the brunette to continue.

Just when they were about to interfere, Tsuna spoke again.

"But we are out of cheese."

xxxxxxxxx

The next time it happened, some of them were waiting for it. They were on a luxurious jet, sipping expensive whiskey as a celebration of some recent news.

Fon was telling a funny story when Tsuna turned his head from window to look Reborn dead in the eye, and asked;

"What if the birds are not chirping, but screaming because they are afraid of heights?"

When Iemitsu asked, they told him Tsuna accidentally hit his head on the table. They didn't tell him that Reborn smashed his head to knock him unconscious.

xxxxxxxx

It happened at their honeymoon next time. When Tsuna started giggling into his champagne, Reborn knew he shouldn't take him out to dinner.

It was a bad agreement to let Tsuna decide on what to do on their out-of-bed times in exchange of yes-to-everything in bed.

He really should have remembered the time Tsuna took him to scary rides in the amusement park. That day ended in hospital with Reborn punching a doctor.

They do not talk about it.

Tsuna put down the glass, and then looked Reborn with a serious face.

"I am batman."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Can I be batman?"

"No. You can't be a fictional character."

"Why?"

"Because I said so"

A few minutes passed in silence.

"I decided to divorce you."

Reborn took a deep breath and let it go slowly. There was really no point in arguing with a drunk Tsuna.

"If you divorce me you can't be batman"

"So I am batman?"

"Yes, you are batman." Reborn said while shaking his head. He couldn't help the smile on his face, though.

"I am batman!" Tsuna said, grinning. Reborn started laughing at the brunette, wondering how on earth he fell for an idiot like that.

"So, would you like to be my batmobile?"

Reborn stopped the fork halfway to his mouth and stared.

"Because, you know, I wanna _ride you_ tonight."

(They do not talk about this night.)

(On a totally unrelated topic, whenever Reborn mentions the fact that he really likes batman, Tsuna turns to a tomato.)

* * *

 **There may be more of this, but just maybe. Because these are just ideas that pops up.**

 **So be sure to give me a heads up if you want more! :D Critisim and comments are always welcome!**

 **Hope you had a good laugh!**

 **Ps: Do not kill me, I am stuck on Time Changes Everyone but the next chapter is on its way! Late than never ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**This chapter is to go "awww you poor baby" for Reborn.**

 **Because why not ;)**

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Reborn was a simple man; strong, powerful and best at everything and anything. That was it. It was simple.

But for some reason, he loved chaos. Years ago the chaos he loved was called fear and destruction.

Nowadays, it goes by the name Tsuna.

Really, Reborn has no idea about how he fell for a human being made of chaos like that. He was a simple man, so why the chaos?

With his level of IQ, Reborn probably could figure that out, if he was not too busy with trying to stop a drunken brunet who was trying to kill himself.

"GET INSIDE YOU MORON!" Reborn yelled for the millionth time that night.

"No! I SWEAR I FEEL INFINITE! OR The moment swears it is infinite? I feel the moment is infinite, I swear? ... What was that thing?"

Reborn tried to resist the urge to just slam the car to the wall of the tunnel just to shut Tsuna up.

"Get. In. The. Damn. Car!" Reborn hissed between his clenched teeth while he was checking the mirrors to make sure they managed to bypass the rival famiglia.

Since Reborn was too busy with the wheel to punch him, Tsuna just ignored the hit man and leaned out more from the window of the car.

"HAYATO!" He screamed while waving his free hand like crazy towards the car behind them. "HOW ARE YOU?"

"BOSS! PLEASE GET INSIDE THE CAR!" Was the reply from the car behind, which meant that the idiot actually thought yelling with Tsuna was a good choice.

Reborn just couldn't decide if he should just drive off the nearest cliff with the guardians tailing behind them or not.

He didn't have much time to decide as Tsuna's hand slipped, making Reborn almost crash the car as he tried to hold him.

Thankfully this time Tsuna was distracted and Reborn managed to yank him back into the car, making Tsuna fall into his lap.

Tsuna laughed as Reborn closed off the windows to prevent any more crises like this one.

"Reborn?" Tsuna asked between his giggles.

"What?" Reborn spat out.

"I guess I just fell for you"

* * *

 **Yo! I know this is not at that level of funny, but I just felt like writing this.**

 **Also, thank God you loved the last joke on previous chap, because I found it myself and laugehed my ass off to it like the weirdo I am :D**

 **Don't worry you people, I enjoy this too! Probably more to come, and hopefully all will be as funny as the first chapter.**


	3. Chapter 3

**_I got some stuff to say, so check the end for more notes, ok? :)_ **

**Got some big words on this chapter, just a heads up.**

 **Characters and jokes/puns are not mine.**

* * *

Tsuna was trusted by his friends and family. They shared their secrets with him, and trusted him to keep them.

But they were also dumb enough to let him drink, so it was their fault really.

The night started slow, just a big family enjoying a movie along with some alcohol. But when the second movie has come to an end, they were already fighting without a second glance to the huge screen.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?" Mukuro screamed while trying to get rid of the hands that were holding him back.

"A pussy, I called you a pussy." Kyoya said like he was just stating the weather.

They kept fighting, and Tsuna kept drinking in hopes of passing out. All he wanted was to relax and getting stuck in the middle of a meaningless fight was not relaxing.

But instead of relaxing, he got drunk.

So fight came to an abrupt stop when they heard someone giggling. Tsuna's giggle slowly turned out loud laughing while he pointed his finger towards Mukuro and Kyoya.

"You- you guys wa- wanna hear a ghost joke?" Tsuna asked between his laughter.

"NO!" Mukuro yelled, still angry.

"THAT'S THE SPIRIT!" Tsuna screamed just before shrieking with laughter. He laughed so much that he fell down from the couch.

Several people banged their head onto the nearest hard surface, while groaning. Reborn was the only one who laughed with Tsuna, but unlike the brunet he was laughing because the others were going through this along with him. And he was already used to it by this point.

He was a sadist, so what?

"Take him away or I am going to start kicking him until he stops laughing. Or dies, whichever comes first." Kyoya said while still glaring Mukuro. He didn't like it when his fights got interrupted.

Tsuna stopped laughing with a little cough, and then walked until he was next to Kyoya, a foot too close.

"To get rid of this tension, we should buy you a lover from there." He said, failing to stand still.

It was so out of blue that, Kyoya couldn't stop himself before he frowned and asked, "From where?"

"e-BAE!" Tsuna shrieked, doubling with laughter.

Thankfully for him, he married a man as clever as he was strong, so Reborn managed to get him out of the way before Kyoya managed to kick him in the face.

Tsuna was still laughing when the kick landed on Mukuro instead, knocking the man unconscious. It caused Tsuna to stop laughing and point to Mukuro. "Ah. His ghost fell out." He said, a little amazed by it.

Reborn took him into his arms, calling it a night. The room was silent for a while so they heard the brunet when he screamed down the hallway.

"DEAD! THE WORD WAS DEAD!"

And then there were a lot more laughter until a door slammed shot upstairs.

xxxxx

"I have a question." Tsuna said, making everyone around the table groan.

It was his birthday, so no one wanted to upset him by taking his drink away. That was of course why they ended up with a drunken Tsuna.

"What is it?" Takeshi asked with a smile, still able to tolerate the brunet.

"On a scale to 1 to 10, Reborn would be what?" he asked, waiting for answers.

"10, of course" Reborn answered. The question was so stupid that he couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"No." Tsuna said, "you are a 9."

Reborn had to remind himself not to beat up his drunken lover for 3 times before he asked "why?"

Tsuna put down the glass, a mischievous smile on his face; "Because I am the 1 you need"

Everyone went "ooooh" until Reborn kissed that smile away from the brunet's lips.

Iemitsu couldn't handle the kiss, he had to go cry outside.

He really should have taken it seriously when Tsuna said the hit man wanted to marry him. That way he wouldn't have to leave the scene as that horrible man made his precious boy sit on his lap and devoured him right now.

* * *

 **Hi there! Hope you all doing okay!**

 **Sorry about not posting anything sooner; For the Time Changes Everyone:** I am stuck. I want to write adorable/hot R27 fiction with a good plot, but I build up the plot so slow that now I have no idea how to get to the adorable/hot part. And I already fucked it up once so I am not gonna just ignore everything like before. So. Stuck. Sorry about that.

 **For Alcohol: THANKS FOR THE AWESOME COMMENTS AND FAVS! You guys make me so happy!**

 **\- I don't know _if_ there will be more, so that is why it says complete. **Also these are just short funny "scenes" instead of a full fiction, that is why I don't go deep with detail.

 **-** I looked it up but not so sure what you meant by the moon joke, so that's why I didn't do it. **You guys can send me the jokes/puns/pick up lines you would like to see! It is kind of hard to find good ones.**

 **That is why, HOPE YOU LIKED IT! Comments and critism are always welcome!**

 **Let me know what you think, and take care of yourselves until next time!  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Characters, puns/jokes are not mine.**

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Ever since they got together, the main problem between them was jealousy. No one was surprised when Reborn turned out to be possessive. He even liked to make a big show of beating the hell out of people who dared to hit on Tsuna.

But not many people knew that Tsuna matched him on the topic. Hayato did, though and was getting more worried every time Tsuna finished another glass of vodka while glaring at the woman across him.

The woman was stupid enough to openly flirt with Reborn; even though Tsuna was right there.

Hayato felt his blood turn to ice the moment she touched Reborn's hand. This was not good.

"Hey Jennifer, want to hear a joke?" Tsuna asked, twirling another glass of vodka in his hand.

"Sure," the woman said with uncertainty. She didn't like how the purple haired woman called Nagi started filming them with her phone.

Tsuna gulped down the last bit of alcohol before Hayato could take it away and said, "Reborn's dick."

"I don't get it..." the woman said looking around, confused.

"EXACTLY!" Tsuna was laughing so much that he didn't care about the chaos that happened next.

X.X.X.X.X.X.X

They broke up once. For Mukuro, that was the best thing to happen around those days. So when he saw Tsuna sitting all by himself with an empty bottle of vine, he thought he had a chance.

"Someone is upset." Mukuro sat the chair across him with a smile.

"You think?" was the brunet's reply. He didn't even bother to look up to Mukuro. He was about to tell him to fuck off when he felt that familiar sensation. Reborn was here.

So without a second thought, he jumped into Mukuro's arms.

"Oh- Well, hey there." Mukuro laughed, surprised but happy to see brunet finally choosing him. "Hey" Tsuna laughed back, slowly petting Mukuro's cheek as if he was a cat. He looked quite comfy on the man's lap.

Said man was not as much as comfy, though. He was having a... hard time. So carefully he rearranged the brunet making sure Tsuna's hand stayed on his face.

If he forgot his hands on the brunet's hips, it was totally not on purpose, okay?

Tsuna kept petting Mukuro, with his attention still focused on the raven haired hit man. He felt a shiver ran through his spine when he noticed the man was watching them.

Mukuro also noticed the hit man, it was hard not to when there was a gun pointed right at your head across the room with a man looking murderous.

Except Mukuro was not known for his sanity; so he simply smirked and squeezed the brunet's hips, holding him tighter.

Tsuna buried his face in Mukuro's chest, settling closer with a small smile. Reborn was grinding his teeth so hard that Mukuro could see a vein twitch on his jaw.

He felt victorious when Reborn put down his gun, walking away without saying anything.

It was short lived though, the moment Reborn walked out of the house, Tsuna raised up from his lap.

"What are you doing?" Mukuro asked frowning. He still had some plans that involved Tsuna sitting on his lap.

"Not you." Tsuna answered without a second glance.

The fact that he got beaten up by the hit man later that night couldn't match the pain of being rejected by the brunet.

Good thing that Mukuro was a masochist.

X.x.X.x.X.x.X

Squalo always thought that Tsuna was an idiot. Who would join this world with dreams of peace? The kid was just out of his mind.

He just didn't know how much.

It turned out to be a lot. As in, willingly starting a fight with Xanxus a lot.

The kid was telling some lame jokes again (What do you call a party with a lot of tea? PARTEAS!) And Xanxus casually throw a bottle at his head.

Except...

The kid caught it.

And throw it. Back. Bull's-eye to Xanxus's head.

Squalo never saw Xanxus drenched in alcohol before.

The party quickly turned into a chaos.

Half an hour later, Reborn was trying to stop Tsuna from smashing people's head with his bottle of Jack while the brunet kept kicking him.

So of course, Tsuna smashed the bottle at the top of _his_ head.

In the morning, Reborn had a tiny little cut on his cheek while a certain brunet with a bruised lip was having trouble to sit.

Due to some rough... time, last night.

Squalo felt sympathy towards brunet; after all, he also had some rough "time" calming his boss down, last night.

He wondered whose pain was "bigger", though.

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 **Many many many thanks and love to; Amu4ever, D C JoKeR H S , Four-eyes-girl for their awesome prompts!This is how this chapter was written so soon! You guys are huge help! Thank you!**

 **And thanks everyone else who commented, liked the story!**

 **As you all know, comments and critism are always welcome, take care until next time ^w^**


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